You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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