I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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