So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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