I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
