Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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