THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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