is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My feet surprised me
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