i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sorry about my life...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
