I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
