You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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