when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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