Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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