Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
