either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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