We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
