WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
