i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
