quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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