Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Houston, we have a squirter
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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