Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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