oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it because I queefed?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
