Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
