I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
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You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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