I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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