I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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