The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
