Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
