Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
