Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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