i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
