Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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