I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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