I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
