ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
