At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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