Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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