Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
