i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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