He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
