I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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