That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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