Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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