He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
