im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
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