piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
