Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
