Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
