listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And then he peed in my hair
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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