Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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