They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
