Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
