O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
