i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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