yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
