so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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