I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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