we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
