Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
