bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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