from now on my penis is your penis
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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