I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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