How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
