Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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