My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
