Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
