Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
