I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
