I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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