Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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