How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Blood and glitter go together right?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
